The example that comes to mind is a conversation I had with one of my brother-in-laws. We were having a nice family dinner, my daughter (an adult) was there. One sister mentioned a friend she had who was a Lesbian, the topic was when my sister lived in Mexico, it was nothing about sexual orientation. My daughters first boyfriend in high school came out in college and he is my daughters best friend to this day.
My brother-in-law said it doesn't really matter because all gays are going to hell and shouldn't have the same rights as the rest of us. As the calm adult I told him how wonderful this boy Zack is, I call all the kids that go through my school, my kids and I didn't agree with him. My daughter, a recent graduate in Environmental Studies explained many same sex relationships in primates and many other animals in the natural world. The conversation escalated into shouting, swearing and tears.
The person experience the prejudice was not even present, but we got a taste of what he goes through on a daily basis. Zack said he does not get the prejudice remarks in our community because people knew him from a little boy and his sexual orientation a non issue. But he can not be captive in the safety of his home community.
I felt like someone was hitting my own child in front of me, it hurt and I got defensive and angry. In my brother-in-laws eyes Zack was not allowed to live as a free human, love who he wants and have a family. The final question is who or what would have to change in order to turn this incident into an opportunity for greater equity? My first thought was if it was one of my brother-in-laws kids he might think about his child but it might mean a greater rejection. All I can do is control my actions, perhaps if I could stay calm, respect his beliefs and try to convey my heartfelt respect for Zack and his rights. Because this is such a personal and cultural subject all we can ask for is respect for one another, which includes respecting others beliefs.
I would love any suggestions to the final question.
Sometimes people don't realize they have to changed until we change. If this individual (your brother in law) talks about hell, then he seems like he is a religious person. He should be reminded that the bible says ALL have sinned, including him. No one is perfect, and even though there were those rejects that religious people during Jesus' time thought he should not associate with, he did. He associated with those who were rejected by the religious sect. We should learn from this, and love one another, we are not suppose to judge, we have not hell or heaven to put anyone in. That is not our job.
ReplyDeleteI think you hit the nail on the head when saying if it was his kid maybe your brother-in-law may be more sensitive. It's not anyones job to judge another human being for their sexual preference and because he is judging in the eyes of God he's no better. As you said all you can do is control your actions, words etc.
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