Conflict Resolution

This is perfect timing, I am in the midst of a conflict between one of my teachers and a parent. I am taking the “third side”. The parent does not want to leave her 4 year old with us if she is crying; she has brought her child to the bus with great success of a quick kiss goodbye. One day this parent flagged the bus down as it was pulling away to get her daughter on. One of the teachers went to help the child on who started to cry. The mother was talking to the teacher wavering back and forth as 30 kids were waiting on the bus. The teacher was frustrated, the parent was frustrated and the child hasn’t been at summer camp since (one week).

The first strategy is empathetic listening to each individual involved. I will check back with each one to make sure I accurately understand their perspective. With empathetic seeing, listening and speaking I hope to make the parent comfortable in what ever her decision and support the teacher in respecting the parents parenting style.

The second strategy is to have a meeting with the parent and teacher so we are clear on how the family culture works. And explain our school culture and how it works in a group situation. All the while having the utmost respect for the family culture with open and honest communication.

This is an interesting explanation of empathy by Alan Seid. http://www.cnvc.org/how-do-empathy

Results of Communication Scales

This was an interesting insight for me I asked a coworker to evaluate me and my 23 year old son. The most interesting was the anxiety of communication, when I enter a conversation that deals with uncomfortable issues I am very nervous, often times I will write down different responses so I can self monitor my response. I don't always have time for that so I was pleased to hear that others perceive me as comfortable in those situations. This does however point out that I often enter communication of a sensitive nature with a goal in mind, therefore I am not truly actively listening because I have an agenda.

A comparison where my evaluators and I had the same score was what type of listener I am, I was grouped in #1 people-oriented. I really thought I was more action oriented in my work because the days are so busy and there is not often time for empathic listening. The description for group one is that I have clouded judgment because I am very trusting of others, this is right on.

As a director and teacher I need to be able to listen to others and trust in myself that I do not have to prove that I know what I am talking about by interjecting my own experience and knowledge. Often in early childhood education we are struggling to prove this is a viable, worthy field. I have gotten in the habit of making sure others know that I know what I am talking about, which has clouded my listening skills.

Many lessons to be learned!

Strategies for Cultural Communication

I find myself drawn to people of different races, religion, sexual orientation, varying abilities etc. I look forward to using the information and looking for the culturally specific nonverbal communication as well as learning how one would like to be treated.

I do find myself communicating differently with a woman at work who is from England. I feel we are very culturally different although there are no defining differences such as race, religion, political affiliation etc. I feel I tend to avoid communicating with her because she is quit negative and judgmental. I’ve tried to be the cheerleader and modeling positive non-bias actions and words, directly talking to her although she laughs and says I miss understand her. I feel like I’m crazy and not doing my job of listening, so I definitely need some strategies!

The three strategies I will use are attempting to think and feel what she is thinking and feeling as well as trying to understand how she would like to be treated. I will ask questions to make sure I am clear and fully understand what she is communicating both verbally and nonverbally. Lastly I will avoid negative judgment, something I am accusing her of and am doing myself. I am very open to suggestions if anyone has any.

Non-verbal Cues

This was a fun exercise even with my self-proclaimed observation skills I totally missed the boat on my interpretation of the non-verbal cues, in the show Parks and Rec.

With the sound off I had the relationship of the main character as a boss and her employees who were disgusted with her, they rolled their eyes, folded their arms, sighed and looked down. With sound on I discovered the employees were disappointed.

I assumed the main character was angry and a domineering boss, she did not smile much and her body posture was stiff. I thought she had a crush on a male coworker and was flirting with him, using a big smile and tilting her head when she talked.

With the sound on I realized this character was not domineering but she followed rules and is a bit nerdy. What I assumed was flirting with the male coworker turned out to be her wanting to be accepted by a male dominated work force. My assumptions were all wrong which changed the whole plot.

If I did this exercise already knowing the characteristics I would have seen a whole different picture. This really shows me that although I consider myself to be observant I cannot go on what I see and make assumptions. This is exactly what I have been doing with a coworker that I discussed in my discussion this week. Ooooo!

Communication Behavors

My brother is a director at Proctor & Gamble, his job has moved from a designer to a director that helps teams address relationship obstacles, eliminating each persons ability and how they can benefit the team. This is truly fascinating to watch in action in an everyday circumstance. As he calls it being transparent, this is so effective with his teenage daughter, a larger heated mediation or getting updated on the latest news of someone he hasn’t seen for a while. He is very present with his vision and body language and he never points fingers. With his teenager he will say I’m feeling you are upset as his daughter screams she is not, staying calm he asks what is she feeling and she is able to tell him. He listens intently and reiterates what she has said in hope he understood completely. The transparence come from no assumptions, for example rather than telling his daughter you are making me feel frustrated, he words it that he is feeling she is upset therefore there is not blame it is a clarification. 

This is particularly affective when dealing with conflict and I would like to model my communication as well as the calm demeanor he uses. Another behavior is being fully present whether it is with a child, an adult or a large group. If he lived closer to me I would just follow him around and observe, it is amazing to watch.

Professional Hopes And Goals

To take a step back and observe the colors, the depth and the texture of the diverse human condition is like seeing a mountain for the first time. It is humbling yet inspiring and the desire to get a closer look is infectious.

My professional and personal goal when working with children and families from divers backgrounds is to learn, to discover and to connect. My respect for nature is something that is a part of me, but I have discovered many mountains I can't wait to climb with respect to the human connection. Mountains are never easy to get to know and there are many trips and bumps on the way but the effort and energy spent has its own rewards.

My hope for the early childhood profession is to put anti-bias practices into every piece of the day and every interaction. Children are taught to be bias, social justice has such an impact when the connection occurs from the beginning. Children will be taught to notice differences and see them as positive diversity.

This has been quit the journey of self reflection, understanding and discovery as well as respect. Thank you all for your thoughts and experiences which makes my climb up this mountain such a rich experience. I wish you all best in creating justice in our social world.

(Photo of me and my son in awe climbing Wayna Picchu in Peru 6/2/13)

Welcoming Families from Mongolia

I am welcoming a new family from Mongolia to my childcare center. My goal is to make the family and child to my center feel as welcome as possible.

First- I will prepare the classroom with photos, some dress up materials such as brightly colored scarves. The photos would not be all costumes and surface culture materials, but also pictures of homes, people and environments found in Mongolia.

Second- I will check out books from the library, both children’s books and informational books about everyday life in Mongolia. So the child can point to pictures for a better understanding.

Third- Through my investigation on the Internet I discovered there are several languages spoken in Mongolia; Mongolian, Russia, Chinese and Turkish. I would learn the word welcome in these languages and articulating to the best of my abilities.

Fourth- I will search my community and organizations for any people, stores, restaurants where they may be people from Mongolia. I will learn as much as possible about the social workings of the culture and how people interact in a school setting.

Fifth- As in step 4, I will search the community for any Mongolian groups, places of worship, or Mongolian food items to direct the family to. When I meet the family I will pay very close attention to how they interact with their child, and pay special attention to names and repeat them to assure I am correct in my pronunciation.

When meeting this family I would hope to create a trusting relationship so I can eventually do a home visit and learn much more about the deep culture. I would hope that the classroom was inviting and that the child and family would feel they have a voice and presence. By finding a community of other's from Mongolia I would benefit in learning about the social culture and some of the language. Hopefully this would create some piece of home for the family and along with the childcare center would create a support system for them.